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April 30th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
AMES, IA—After six years leading worship at Redeemer On The Rock, Joe Miller has been asked to step down after church leadership confirmed the rumor that Joe had turned thirty years old.
“We were disappointed to discover the stories were true,” said senior pastor Mike Lee. “Honestly though– we could see the signs of aging. He started wearing boot-cut jeans, getting a normal haircut…even stopped wearing non-prescription glasses. Then he cut back the number of extra choruses he added on to “Way Maker”, and quit informing us between each song how to posture our hearts. We knew age was starting to catch up with him.”
Sources say Miller took the news hard, stooping so low as to offer to play tambourine if he could only stay in the praise band. While the church leadership agreed older people were allowed to play the tambourine, the pastors did not feel they could, in good conscience, allow Joe to debase himself like that. They did kindly offer to give Joe strong references if he wanted to go play the organ for the old fogies at the Lutheran church down the street.
Joe reportedly landed an interview to be the worship leader at another evangelical church but was turned away at the door when he arrived wearing a starched polo.
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