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July 27th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Who Said It: Joe Biden Or This Crazy Escaped Asylum Patient We Met Behind A 7-Eleven?
Sometimes, it can be hard to tell a quote from the person who said it! This is especially true of Joe Biden, the most popular president of all time, whose presidential quotes are often mistaken for the ramblings of this insane escaped asylum patient we met behind a 7-Eleven in Barstow this week.
Can you tell who said each of these quotes? We’re too lazy to make this an actual quiz, so just scroll slowly so you don’t see the answer too soon!
Quote: “My butt’s been wiped!”
Answer: Joe Biden. Very presidential.
Quote: “Help! I don’t want to do this anymore! I just want to go home and see my grandkids! They’re giving me the pills again. Here they come, I don’t have much time!”
Answer: Joe Biden. Haha, classic Joe! Always the prankster!
Quote: “Cause if you could take care, if you were a quartermaster, you can sure in hell take care runnin’ a, you know, a department store uh, thing, you know, where, in the second floor of the ladies department or whatever, you know what I mean?”
Answer: Joe Biden. That was a tough one! This next one should be easier.
Quote: “Look, fat! You’re a damn liar!”
Answer: Both. Incredibly, both Joe Biden and Frank the Crazed Hobo shouted the same thing to us. Great minds think, you know, the thing!
Quote: “You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier!”
Answer: Joe Biden. That one was a gimme.
Quote: “Hey. Do you guys have any spare change? I’m pretty hungry.”
Answer: Escaped asylum patient. Frank is actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know him.
Quote: “I’ll lead an effective strategy to mobilize trunalimunumaprzure.”
Answer: Joe Biden. You can tell it’s Joe because it sounds to us like professionalism is back in the White House! Go Joe!
So how did you do? If you guessed them all correctly, give yourself a pat on the back! And if you see Frank, give him a couple bucks. He could use it.
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