The day I am finally not in contact with JR, I will send a big, giant email announcing it!
It has been much worse with him lately. When I was still adding new pages to my website, I had a bit of the upper hand with him. The website had the power to get some bad people out of Jeff’s life, and Jeff would make some concessions to me.
But lately, the tables have turned, and Jeff has total control, and is making no concessions – but however, he is not letting his little torture victim go free! I am really very weakened, both physically (however, oddly, Jeff took me to a very expensive specialist last week to help diagnose and solve my problem – Jeff paid, so I have some hope in that) and psychologically.
I am terrible at no contact, but if I try (and I do keep trying) and go just several hours without contacting him, I am assailed with voicemails or emails. I just a few days ago blocked his email and filled up my own phone with voicemails so that it would not accept anymore. Jeff called every hour throughout the night until for some reason there was room for a voicemail – and he left one. His control over me is so profound at this point, that hearing his voice is enough to put me back in contact with him.
Anyway, his treatment of me lately is pretty horrific. The more vulnerable I am (and the eviction and rejection of help by my family made me extremely vulnerable), the crueler he is. If I could film it and show it, people would be stunned at JRs psychological cruelty to me. Again, hopefully I will get away and be able to write about it. I am keeping records to help remind me of it should I forget how bad it is.
He made promises for the last two months of righting some of the wrongs against me, but then doesn’t actually do them, and when I bring them up he says extremely cruel things. He is trying to make me go crazy I think. It is really sickening at this point.
We also do not spend the nights together anymore, as he will not come here because of the restraining order, and I will no longer go to his house because of problems there. Sleeping the night together was often when “good Jeff” would be out, and those periods seemed to reinforce the positives in our relationship. Without this contact, Jeff is just pretty much cruel all the time…
I would give anything to have something go my way in my life so I would have the power to say, “Good bye Jeff!” And walk away. I fully expected that I was going to go to New Hampshire a few weeks ago, and would be driving away with my kitties heading East. But then it fell through…
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