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February 8th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
Congratulations, dude. You must really be in love, because if you’re at the point in your relationship or situationship where you’re browsing for the best V-Day gifts per astrological vibes, you are whipped in the cuddle sauce and don’t care who knows it. Maybe you’re here, in an astrology V-Day gift guide, because your partner is a zodiac-obsessed water sign, or perhaps you yourself have a penchant for the pseudoscience. Either way, shopping with a little help from the cosmos is a blueprint for success—but only if you have the right game plan.
New to the Western zodiac? Even n00bs know that it’s based around the idea that people are born under one of 12 zodiac signs embodied by air, fire, water, or earth; for further reading, the folks at Taschen published a massive astrology art book that’s so gorgeous, it’ll woo even the most ardent of haters. It also explains how we went from this [points to ancient Babylon] to this [points to zodiac aisle at Urban Outfitters]. It’s a fascinating story, but one for another time.
When it comes to shopping for your valentine based on their astrological chart, we have a more unconventional approach. You see, while everyone has their main or “sun” sign, that sign is also flanked by a powerful ascendent and moon sign (which could also be ruled by a different sign entirely). Your ascendent or “rising” sign is what you project on the surface, and how others perceive you at a glance, while your moon sign is the more intimate side of your personality, one usually reserved for family, close friends, and of course, lovers. So, if your boo’s main sign is the fiery Leo, but their ascendent and moon sign are ruled by watery and emotional Pisces, you might want to shop for a V-Day present that taps into their sensitive side. Capiche?
There are plenty of free ways to figure out your lover’s chart online, but we have a feeling you already know the deets. Perhaps you want to create a blend of romantic presents for your earth-and-water sign darling, or shop for gourmet Taurean treats and Scorpio-worthy lingerie. Whatever sign has charmed you (it’s a Gemini, isn’t it?), we’ve got you covered with the best flowers, sweets, and unconventional Valentine's Day presents for your astrological amour.
Aquarius
Dang, how did you manage to bag an Aquarius? This brilliant, all-over-the-place air sign is a loose little party goose who has a dozen new interests every day, and a proclivity for thinking outside of the box. They deserve some edible glitter in their cereal and a gummy bear earring that says, “I’m not like other aliens.”
Pisces
If you’re dating a Pisces come V-Day, you are a real martyr for love. This is the sign of #FEELS, the ultimate water baby who needs just as much love, if not more, than Cancer. Sounds exhausting, right? Your Piscean boo could probably do with a little rest, so pamper them with a bohemian home robe, and this extra large candle from Anthropologie that’s on sale right now. Nothing says “I love you” more than three wicks.
Aries
This fire sign wears their heart on their sleeve, and has more energy than your average lover. (You did meet your Aries while cliff diving, after all.) Stuff this juicy, heart-embossed purse with La Colombe’s limited-edition, medium-roast coffee beans to keep the vibes running high.
Taurus
Firstly, your sweet Taurus should not be expected to get out of bed on V-Day. They are the hard chillers of the zodiac, and excellent lovers who would rather be gifted a delicious bottle of olive oil than a stuffy meal at an over-hyped restaurant. Greet them in the morning with a fragrant bouquet of sausage, and then drizzle some of Frantoio Galantino’s luxurious olive oil over their [redacted] as foreplay.
Gemini
Gemini are creative wunderkind freaks, and our favorite air sign to be afraid of. They can be very cerebral when pursuing their interests, and will appreciate an art book that presents a beautifully curated portrait of an artist they respect. In honor of this horny holiday, present them with the erotic and surreal photography of the late Ren Hang, and a clever rose clitoral vibrator from Tracy’s Dog (dream combo).
Cancer
Hiiiiiiii. (Cancer here.) We’re the soft-shelled ones of the bunch. I wouldn’t say we’re people-pleasers (why would I? I’m trying to please you), but, we do get a lot of wholesome, genuine satisfaction from caring for others. Cancers are one of the most codependent nurturing signs, and that’s why a tender, relaxed bouquet of peonies (the official flower of cry babies) and a festive red KitchenAid stand mixer will make us feel seen in the quest to smother you with our love. This mixer is a kitchen workhorse and has the brand-name clout to let us know that you’re in this for the long haul. What, you think we’re reading into it too much? We’re sorry. Please don’t leave (yet).
Leo
Ideally, Leo would be getting a gilded carpet, ice cream with gold flakes, and literally anything else that shines with the fire of a thousand suns for V-Day. Why not gift this gregarious fire sign a golden ex-voto heart that contains a note declaring your love or a lock of your hair? Too much? No such thing for Leo. They’ll also love you forever if you give them this ornate, reversible Versace bucket hat (cop it while it’s 70% off).
Virgo
While you were busy shopping for the perfect Valentine’s Day present, the Virgo of your affections already made the restaurant reservations, picked out a V-Day outfit, and found the perfect wrapping paper for their present for you (they found it a month ago). Virgos are planners, baby, and they’ll appreciate a fresh, graphic notebook and a shiny Fisher Space pen, otherwise known as the Cadillac of pens, because it can write in zero gravity, works upside down, under water, over grease, and in extreme temperatures—just like Virgo.
Libra
Have you ever met a Libra? They usually look like Liv Tyler in The Lord of the Rings, so you would probably remember if you did. This sign is oriented around beauty and romance, and they’ll appreciate Glossier’s iconic solid perfume with a clean, warm scent, and a heart-shaped decanter of their poison of choice.
Scorpio
If ever there was a sign with the reputation for being sexy and mysterious, it’s Scorpio. Probably because they’re sexy and mysterious—but they’re also just hella private. What you see is not what you get with the fire sign of water signs (just roll with me), and they’ll appreciate the coy, sultry gift of luxurious underwear and sexy, fancy lingerie that isn’t sleazy or corny. There’s a low-key elegance to both this stretchy thong by The Great Eros and a pair of boxers by the Parisian brand AMI that feels V-Day festive (but not over-the-top).
Sagittarius
Oh, lord. Brace yourselves for Sagittarius when they come hurdling over the drawbridge with an airhorn in one hand and a passport in the other. This is one of the boldest, earthiest fire signs that isn’t afraid to speak their mind, travel the world, or fly solo. They live on a horse girl throne of ecstasy, good-smelling breath, and poppers, and they probably punched an Aries last week in the club (we don’t blame them). They deserve a punk/bardcore body chain, and a musky, sensuous perfume such as Mississippi Medicine by DS & Durga, which is “based on the rituals of the proto-Mississippian death cult of the 1200s,” and contains native birch tar, viola, and white spruce grounded in incense and cypress root.
Capricorn
Look, no one is harder on Capricorn than a Capricorn. This diligent, hard-working earth sign is kind of the dom-daddy of the zodiac, but this Valentine’s Day they shall be the ones getting a little bit of discipline, courtesy of some cuff restraints and a Magic Mike body harness (which they should wear to the new movie on V-Day).
Happy Valentine’s Day, star gazers.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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