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November 17th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
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Picking a college can be tough, especially when there are so many amazing options out there! Which gender studies program should you take? How many thousands of dollars of debt should you incur? Have no fear! The Babylon Bee has done the research and definitively ranked the best universities on the planet to aid your search! Here they are:
#10) Leon’s Vacuum Cleaner Repair Training Program: Still more valuable than a gender studies degree. Only available on VHS.
#9) Pre-K at the First Methodist’s School for Little Tykes: You’ll learn basic numbers and letters, and it hasn’t gone woke yet, which is more than you can say for UC Berkley.
#8) Monsters University: The Pixar movie. Not a bad flick. And the movie rental costs 3,000,000% less than a college degree.
#7) The Electoral College: It must be good since it elected Trump!
#6) Financial Peace University: For a small fee, you can hire Dave Ramsey to call you “stupid” until you’re finally DEBT FREE!
#5) School of Rock: Learn from the world’s greatest Teacher of Rock, Mr. Schneebly!
#4) Whopper College at Burger King: Delicious!
#3) Pyongyang School Of Nuclear Bombs: Wise and glorious leader Kim Jong-un will teach you to make glorious war with America using majestic rocket.
#2) University of Alabama: Sorry, football players only.
#1) The School of Hard Knocks: It was good enough for your Grandpappy who built a business empire after WWII with a 10th-grade education, it’s good enough for you too!
NOT SATIRE: Praxis is a year-long business program that matches you with a full-time, paid apprenticeship at a growing company.
The program offers a direct route into high-potential careers for driven young people without the cost and hassle of college. Babylon Bee readers can earn a $1,000 tuition scholarship to a 2022 cohort and join hundreds of successful college opt-outs.
Click here for a free book on personal growth and scholarship information!
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