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September 22nd, 2022 
Awake Goy 
MIRAMAR, FL — Seeing the need to provide more affordable options for travelers affected by record inflation, Spirit Airlines has introduced a new bargain flight where they just launch you in a medieval catapult.
The announcement comes at a time when families have been forced to spend over $10,000 more per year on basic necessities due to unprecedented government spending and inflation.
“Technically, it’s a mangonel, but the layperson can go ahead and call it a catapult,” said Spirit Airlines CEO Barry Thurpurton, when describing the new service in which penny-pinching customers are loaded into the bucket of an old catapult and sent careening in the general direction of their destination city. “‘Traction Trebuchet’ also works, but that did not test well with focus groups.
“I saved so much money using Spirit Airlines’ new catapult service,” said one happy customer from an emergency room. “I look forward to flying home — via catapult — in a few months after they remove this body cast.”
At publishing time, Spirit Airlines announced that, due to increased demand, they have introduced an affordable First Class catapult service where flight attendants duct tape a couple of pillows to your torso before you are hurtled through the air.
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