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March 11th, 2023 
Awake Goy And then the woke mob came for Bond.
According to a report in The Telegraph, “sensitivity readers” are being employed to scour the original James Bond books to look for and remove any ‘outdated’ content including ‘racist’ comments.
The latest publications of the books, written by Ian Fleming, will also reportedly contain a trigger warning notifying readers that they may find some of the storylines hurt their feelings.
The warning will read “This book was written at a time when terms and attitudes which might be considered offensive by modern readers were commonplace.”
“A number of updates have been made in this edition, while keeping as close as possible to the original text and the period in which it is set,” the disclaimer will further note.
The editing of the books is to coincide with the 70th anniversary of the first ever Bond book Casino Royale.
What exactly is ‘offensive’ is yet to be determined, but presumably it could extend to the fact that Bond is a straight white man who likes to fratenize with multiple women at any one time, drinks heavily and doesn’t have a single simp cell in his body.
The report notes that ‘sexual descriptors’ have been edited or altogether removed, including one scene in Live and Let Die where a group of men watching a stripper are described being “like pigs at the trough”.
At this rate, they will have to completely rename Octopussy.
The report also states that descriptions of characters like Oddjob, the infamous Korean henchman to Goldfinger have been rewritten to remove racial overtones.
In the novel, Oddjob is described as being a “squat” man with “arms like thighs”, black teeth, and a “sickly zoo-smell”. He also has a cleft palette causing a speech defect.
The Goldfinger novel also describes Oddjob’s hatred of being mistaken for being Japanese, and that he also likes to eat cats.
Presumably these details will all be purged and replaced with something uninteresting that describes his outfit? But even that could be tweaked given that his hat is a violent weapon he uses for killing people.
The move comes after it was revealed that Roald Dahl’s books have already been updated to include “sensitivity” changes such as removing the word “fat” and “ugly” as descriptions of characters.
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