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September 9th, 2022 
Awake Goy 
PARIS — Scholars examining the Mona Lisa have discovered that Leonardo da Vinci most likely created the famous painting during a one-hour “Paint & Sip” event.
“When you look at the complexity of what da Vinci could produce sober, and add in the subtle wine stains on the painting’s border, there is little doubt,” said art history scholar Jeanne Phillipe. “He most likely painted the Mona Lisa as a result of a lousy date, or maybe there was a Groupon.”
Scholars began to suspect the Mona Lisa was the result of a “Paint & Sip” after realizing that the painting is kind of trash. “We genuinely, honestly have no idea why this painting is so famous,” said Louvre curator Antoine Dupont. “Once we were able to admit that the Mona Lisa pretty much sucks, we started to re-examine the origins. Careful microscopic analysis revealed haphazard brush strokes, spilled wine, and some indications the whole thing was paint-by-numbers. The evidence speaks for itself.”
While expressing disappointment at the revelation, the Louvre has decided to play down the discovery and keep the Mona Lisa on display as a decoy for environmentalist protestors. “We’re hoping that environmental protesters will continue gluing themselves to the Mona Lisa and leave the priceless artifacts alone,” said Mr. Dupont. “To be fair, it really is a pretty decent piece for something that came from a ‘Paint & Sip’. I painted a horse at the one I went to, but my wife thought it was a self-portrait and I didn’t know if I should be happy or offended.”
At publishing time, archaeologists had discovered that the studio where the Mona Lisa was painted was called “Merlot And Masterpieces”.
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