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March 12th, 2021 
Awake Goy Joe Biden finally addressed the American people Thursday, for the first time in almost two months, and decreed that if they continue to follow CDC rules they might be able to have a barbecue in their own backyards in four months time.
But in the same breath Biden threatened to take away that monumental freedom if Americans do not remain ‘vigilant’.
Only around 7000 people tuned into the White House stream to watch Biden’s first proper address.
He managed to sound semi-coherent for around twenty minutes, with the biggest takeaway being that more strict restrictions will come back if Americans start trying to live their lives normally again without masks or avoiding each other.
“If we do our part… by July 4, there’s a good chance you, your families, and friends will be able to get together in your backyard or in your neighborhood and have a cookout or a barbecue and celebrate Independence Day… Small groups will be able to get together,” proclaimed Biden:
He then added “If we don’t stay vigilant and the conditions change, then we may have to reinstate restrictions to get back on track.”
Biden also told Americans “I need you to get vaccinated when it’s your turn… And to help your family, your friends, your neighbors get vaccinated as well.”
Biden added that people need to “listen to Dr. Fauci,” who this week admitted there is no science behind continued lockdowns.
Biden declared that Fauci has “has assured us, the vaccines are safe. They underwent rigorous scientific review. I know they are safe.”
Responding to the dangling carrot of backyard cookouts, Tucker Carlson tore into Biden, saying “How dare you tell us who we can spend the Fourth of July with”:
“Who are you talking to? This is a free people, a free country,” Carlson raged.
The Fox host also pulled Biden up on his vaccine rhetoric, noting “He said, there will be enough vaccines for every person in America … and if you take that shot, things potentially could get back to normal. No mention at all of the people who might not want to take the shot.”
While Biden blathered on about President Trump being awful and various woke non issues, he failed to even mention the massive immigration crisis on the border that he has directly instigated in a matter of days.
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