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March 20th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
U.S.—A new survey has found that the most popular career choice among those entering the job market is “professional stimulus check recipient.”
While young adults considering their futures used to prefer more traditional roles like doctor, teacher, firefighter, or satire writer, a full 92% of those surveyed said they just want to stay home all day and wait for the government to send them a stimulus check.
The professional stimulus check recipient career path has many advantages, as you can work any hours you like, from zero to zero hours per week. No training is required. Many benefits are available for certified PSCRs, like Netflix subscriptions subsidized by the government, $1400 shopping sprees at regular intervals, and fun vacations funded by taxpayers. Plus, as inflation continues to spiral out of control, paychecks will rise, with PSCRs getting up to millions of dollars a year within the decade.
“Why would people go to medical school for eight years when they can just stay home and wait until the next stimulus check?” said economist Paul Wendell. “It just doesn’t make sense. The pay is pretty good, the hours are fantastic, and the benefits are great. So anyone who’s in the job market should really consider becoming a PSCR. It’s just a sensible decision.”
The study also found that professional protesters and Mask Karens are popular choices right behind becoming a full-time stimulus check recipient.
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