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December 25th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Reminder for all the husbands out there: it might be time to start thinking about maybe Christmas shopping, perhaps sometime soon.
We don’t want to put too much pressure on you, so take it easy. We’re not saying, like, for sure you’ve gotta drop what you’re doing this very instant and go get your wife something for Christmas. But just a little heads-up that Christmas is in, like, 12 hours, so you’re cutting it a little close at this point. Don’t freak out, but maybe start thinking about slipping out for an hour or so and picking up your wife some Christmas gifts.
See, Christmas is tomorrow, and if you want enough time to frantically wrap your wife’s gifts late tonight, you should probably get a move on it.
Also, if you haven’t heard, there are all these supply chain issues going on right now, and you might not be able to get her exactly what she wants. It’s OK, though. Don’t fret. She probably doesn’t have incredibly specific wants and needs that she’s been dropping hints about for the past month. She’s probably cool with, like, whatever.
Worse comes to worse, though, and you can always stop by the 7-Eleven at around 11:30 pm tonight and desperately search for something that looks like you put some thought into it. A nice, sturdy gasoline can or family-size bag of Takis might be just the thing. You never know.
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