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January 7th, 2022 
Awake Goy 
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE—MyPillow® CEO Mike Lindell proudly announces the most patriotic way to celebrate January 6 with the MyPillow® Annual January 6 Blowout Sale.
“You heard that right, patriot. I’m practically giving away all MyPillow® products* to celebrate the most crucial fight for American Independence since 1776,” says Lindell while warmly embracing the classic MyPillow® pillow, the MyPillow® Mattress Topper, the 6-Piece MyPillow® Towel Set, the MyPillow® Dog Bed, and his best-selling book, What Are The Odds?.
“If you act now and spend over $500 on these amazing products, I’ll throw in the brand-new MyPillow® Giza Cotton-Lined Concealed Carry Handgun Holster for free,” continued the company’s CEO, “It’s so comfortable, you’ll forget you’re carrying the only thing stopping the commies from infiltrating positions of power in every small town in America through satanic mind control mechanisms.”
That’s not all! Earn free shipping on your order if, during checkout, you submit proof of your participation in the January 6 fight to save democracy.
*Sale does not apply to the full-size Donald J. Trump body pillow, Donald J. Trump leg lamp, or Donald J. Trump silk nightwear.
RED ALERT: this is not a joke. Elon Musk sat down with The Babylon Bee for an in-depth interview on wokeness, Elizabeth Warren, the Metaverse, and how the left is killing comedy.
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