Maybe We Irish Can Help Fritz


Why have Germans acquired a reputation for docility, fawning self-criticism and cowardly capitulation? Every nation has its share of self-haters. In the United States, those of African descent who ingratiated themselves with their White masters were known as Uncle Toms. England is notorious for its cringing apologists for slavery and empire building. For reasons that leave me scratching my head I wonder why those who were not born at the time feel obliged to say sorry.

Dear Alfred, One of your shameless forebears back in 1823 had his wicked way with the Indian household maid. Would you kindly apologise to the poor girl’s descendants on my behalf, there’s a good chap.

Germans wear a hair-shirt because Großvater Hans back in 1941 travelled to Ukraine without having first acquired a visa. He was at least self-sufficient, which is more than can be said for Germany’s occupiers today. Invaders who did far worse than did Hans never apologise. As Russian Defence Minister Dmitry Rogozin pointed out, “Tanks don’t need visas.”

In Russia, the second biggest holiday after New Year’s Day is May 9 when Russians celebrate the rape of Europe. What do the Germans do? They apologise for not pulling their skirts up higher. The knee-jerk response is that ‘we Germans have been subjected to 70 years of brainwashing’. I suggest Germans visit the town’s laundromat and give their brains a good sluicing.

Eastern Europeans were subject to occupation and brainwashing for much longer periods of time. Do the peoples of the former Soviet States fawn at the feet of Russians, or welcome a Russian presence in their countries? No, at best they tolerate Russians, at worst; they hate them. Before visiting Lithuania we were warned, ‘don’t give the impression you are Russian’. It was good advice, yet it is a quarter of a century since these countries were occupied. The German still licks the occupier’s boots 70 years since their elected government were arrested and hanged by the occupiers. Could you imagine such fawning elsewhere?

Being Irish I take an interest in Irish history. Ireland was under the English jackboot not for a trifling 70 years but for 700 years. Its population loss as a consequence of English occupation was 50 percent not 20 percent. Every day, Irish people mourn and remember those who gave their lives for Ireland. If you’re an English visitor to Ireland it is best you show a little humility. Long after the 26 counties of Ireland were granted autonomy, Irish patriots were popping off any who wore a British Army uniform or were considered to be collaborators.

The national hero of Chile is Irishman Bernardo O’Higgins. Mentored by his Chilean friend, another Irishman named Juan McKenna, he liberated the Chilean nation from Spanish occupation in 1813. In Dublin’s Phoenix Park there is a monument to Bernardo O’Higgins. If my fellow Europeans, the Germans, want a little Irish know-how, give me a call. I will be pleased to demonstrate a few methods of making oppression a risky and futile occupation.

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