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March 19th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
FORT WORTH, TX — Local man Curt Stephens wished today there was anything in his life he got as excited about as his son when he sees a backhoe.
“Backhoe!! Backhoe!! Oh my goodness, Daddy!! Ahhh!!!” screamed an elated Jaxson from his car seat, beaming in total delight. “This is the best day EVER!!”
Basking in his son’s joy, Mr. Stephens tried to recall the last time he was half that excited about anything. “It‘s been decades since I‘ve hit that level,” said Mr. Stephens. “You could right now hand me ten-thousand bucks and court side Mavericks’ tickets and I wouldn’t feel what my son feels when we drive by a backhoe. I honestly don’t know what could bring that out in me.”
The street leading out of the Stephens’ neighborhood went under construction several months ago, a literal dream come true for three-year-old Jaxson. “Driving through the construction zone is like going to Disney for him,” said Mr. Stephens. “Somehow, driving thirty miles-per-hour through torn up road has become the best part of the day. It’s really going to suck when the road is finished.”
At publishing time, Mr. Stephens had found himself excitedly shouting that the backhoe was out today, before remembering he was driving to work and Jaxson wasn’t even in the car.
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