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March 11th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
UNITED STATES — Local smartphone user Sallie Beth Stunkey was seen sighing in frustration as the app she had been using flashed another pop-up insecurely asking if she loved it.
“If I’d have known how needy the app was, I wouldn’t have started this relationship in the first place,” said Stunkey as her finger hovered over the cancel button. “I DO love the app, but not that much. Incessantly asking for five-star validation is so unattractive.”
The app, called Splendaia, helps users with their personal finances and also uses AI to shop for car tires and mosquito repellant, a burgeoning market with a flurry of competitors backed by Big Tech money.
App relationship experts say it’s understandable for an app to put so much effort into checking in on a relationship it may lose at any moment. “But,” say experts, “It doesn’t make it any less annoying.”
That evening before bed, Stunkey had sat down with the app to tell it, “You’re not enough, and that’s OK.”
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