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April 29th, 2021 
Awake Goy 
EL SEGUNDO, CA—Everyone loves a good game of Uno — everyone, that is, except nonbinary folk, who are offended by the apparently gendered “o” at the end of its name.
In an effort to reach out to this lucrative market comprising a small percentage of the population, Mattel announced today the game would be renamed Unx, pronounced either OON-EX or UNKS; no one is really sure which.
“Look, everyone else is taking out O’s and replacing them with X’s, so we just thought it would be a good look,” said a Mattel spokesperson. “O’s are out! X’s are in! We’re woke and inclusive and nonbinary and, uh, trans or whatever!”
The newly redesigned game will include fun party-game-style cards that have you guess someone’s pronouns, refer to someone by the right pronouns or be forced to draw 4 cards, and a “swap gender” card for really hilarious party hijinks.
“Wait — does this even make sense? Doesn’t Uno just mean one? Someone get a Spanish dictionary!” shouted one office worker at Mattel’s El Segundo headquarters. He has since been fired for his insensitive remarks and barred from ever working in polite society again.
In response to the renaming of the card game, congressional Republicans announced they would fight for the soul of our country by trying to get the original name back. They have declared they will stop working on fighting the onslaught of the progressive agenda in Congress and spend all their time on getting back Uno, Mr. Potato Head, and Dr. Seuss. “We may lose the entire country to communism, but gal darn it, if we lose Uno, there’s nothing left to fight for,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “We’ll get Uno back. That’s my promise to you.”
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