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September 29th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
These days, everything we could ever want [opens trench coat] is available at the touch of a button. Craving some Japanese ube cheesecake, but don’t want to leave your precious Togo sofa? Find it on UberEats. Want to make a deal with god, and monitor your heart rate while singing along to “Scatman in your Prius?” There’s a high-tech ring for that, too. Given these advancements, it’s only natural that today’s sex toy offerings should include plenty of vibrators for on-the-go orgasms, which is where the new OhMiBod “Foxy” wearable panty vibrator comes into play.
To quote The Lord of the Rings’ King Theoden: [Horny] have been my dreams of late. So much so, that I have been wondering whether or not copping a pair of vibrating underwear could be a game-changer for slutty everyday carry bag. The new Foxy vibe appeared to offer everything I wanted in a pair of extra slutty panties, from the app-enabled functionality of the sex toy to its Mach 3 vibration power and palm-sized scale. As a former cammer once told me in this VICE article about such small, remote-controlled toys, “Even if I wasn't a sex worker I would use [them]. I've never had a toy I enjoyed this much, honestly.”
The following is my honest review of OhMiBod’s Foxy panty vibrator after wearing it for a week around the house, while running errands, and with situationships.
First impressions
Damn, I thought upon unboxing my vibrator, the packaging on this is nicer than most mid-range jewelry. OhMiBod’s Foxy comes in a compact, sturdy box that won’t get crumpled in the mail, and it even includes a little satin pouch for storage. These small details make all the difference, whether you’re planning on collecting more and more sex toys, or if you plan on traveling with your vibrator.
What was rad
I decided to wear Foxy for a week of running errands, doing the dishes, and reconnecting with old hook-ups. The rechargeable vibrator was fully juiced after just a few hours of charging, at which point I removed the small magnet from the toy to secure it to my underwear.
I was expecting the toy to feel kind of like wearing a strap-on, but, to my surprise, the ergonomic design of the vibrator felt perfectly contoured to the undulations of my cooch; It was almost as if someone made a Madame Tussauds-level casting of my vagina to give me vibrator that felt custom-made.
The OhMiBod application was fairly straightforward to download and pair with my Foxy, and I enjoyed synching the vibrations to New Age music (yes, you can sync the vibes to your Spotify or Apple Music playlists) while cooking up a big pot of marina for dinner; When Enya crescendoed, I, too, crescendoed, and it not only made for a much more entertaining and horny evening, but it felt like a tight new way to deepen my already swole parasocial relationship with her bops.
Now, one of the biggest appeals of panty vibrators to kinksters is the ability to get off in public in secret. I don’t know how I would feel if I knew that the woman next to me at T.J. Maxx was getting remotely railed while I shopped for PSL candles, so I tried to find a happy medium by instructing a romantic partner to toy with my vibrations from his phone while I went on a walk around a neighborhood park. If I was about to get uncontrollably horny in public, I figured that having the option of squatting behind a tree would come in handy.
The result was a much better edging experience than I ever anticipated. There’s something so hot about knowing that your partner is in control of your toy’s vibrations, and that they could control them from anywhere in the world. It’s very X-Men-core. Anyways. Not wanting to climax in public, I rushed home from the park to grind my way to O-Town from the comfort of my own home, and was just as impressed with the vibrator as a simple humping and grinding toy as I was with other “lay-on” sex toys.
What was tricky
Sometimes, my connection to the vibrator’s app was finicky, but I think that’s more of an issue my WiFi/Spectrum cock-blocking me. Plus, if I ever had an issue with the app-enabled settings, I just adjusted the toy manually.
TL;DR
Whether you’re a seasoned kinkster, or want to get into lay-on vibrators for humping and grinding; Whether your partner lives one block or one continent away, OhMiBod’s Foxy panty vibrator is a versatile workhorse. Not only does it allow you to edge and goon your partner to climax from anywhere in the world, but you can sync it up with your music for some extra personalized, Sade-stylized R&R time. The next time you see me in line at Taco Bell, know that it’s not only the promise of a Cheesy Roll Up that’s making me smile.
Purchase the Foxy wearable panty vibrator at OhMiBod.
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