Girl cuts hair of mother suffering from cancer: A touching moment too intimate for youtube?

By
Amanda Platell

Last updated at 10:25 PM on 3rd February 2012

The day my brother, Michael died, I held his nine-year-old son in my arms. ‘I wish I’d known Dad was dying,’ the boy sobbed. ‘I wouldn’t have been so naughty. I could have saved up my pocket money to buy him a new lung.’

Michael died of mesothelioma, an incurable cancer that takes hold in the lining of the lungs. Nothing could have saved him. He and his wife had decided not to tell their two young children of his terminal condition until the last minute, when it was unavoidable. Michael died when he was just 41.

The thinking back then, 15 years ago, was that children were best protected by being kept in the dark, and their chances of emotional recovery from the trauma were better if they were unaware that Daddy was sick until it was almost too late.

Tender: Six-year-old Lola Etchells cuts the hair of her mother Sara, who is suffering from cancer

Tender: Six-year-old Lola Etchells cuts the hair of her mother Sara, who is suffering from cancer

Things have moved on since then. Increasingly the consensus is that children can cope, and cope better, when they are involved in a parent’s illness, as witnessed by a video that appeared on YouTube this week.

It shows six-year-old Lola Etchells cutting, then shaving, the hair from her mother Sara’s head before it would have fallen out as a result of chemotherapy for breast cancer.

The little blonde girl tenderly snips a lock of hair, then gets the electric clippers out, at times intense, at other times giggling.

Sara and her partner, Craig, decided the haircut was a way of helping their young daughter grasp the reality of her mother’s ordeal.

Sara has a degree in photography and Craig used to be a sound engineer and producer, so they used their skills to produce a three-minute film of the event. When friends and family saw it, they were so moved they persuaded the couple to post it on YouTube to raise money for cancer charities.

‘It was a very personal moment and it was very brave of Sara to let the film go out on YouTube,’ Craig said. ‘We were trying to help Lola understand what it all means.’

Yes, it is an incredibly courageous thing to do, to show to the world such a private moment.

But I can’t help wondering if inadvertently turning your six-year-old daughter into a YouTube sensation was wise — however honourable the intention.

I have no doubt the old way of keeping kids in the dark is flawed and denies them the chance to come to terms with a parent’s mortality. Yet in today’s world of Twitter and the internet, anyone who appears on YouTube instantly becomes public property. Let’s hope this beautiful little girl and her courageous mother don’t suffer any more as a result.

Scroll down for the video of Lola and Sara

John Terry is stripped of his England captaincy while he awaits trial for race abuse. How odd. Surely the arrogant, over-paid, preening, foul-mouthed, aggressive, serial-philandering Terry has all the qualities required to lead the England team.

Skimpy: 16-year-old Amba Jackson

Skimpy: 16-year-old Amba Jackson

Risqué business

She’s sweet 16, and already Amba Jackson poses seductively in little more than a low-cut skimpy jacket.

Amba is the daughter of party girl Jade Jagger, and granddaughter of the decadent Bianca, both of whom are more famous for their décolletages than anything they’ve ever achieved.

It’s not the sins of the father in this case, but the cleavages of the mother and grandmother that are being revisited.

What do Nicole Scherzinger, Paula Abdul and Cheryl Cole have in common? They’ve all been feted, then sacked, as judges on Simon Cowell’s TV talent shows. Interestingly, they’re all identikits for the women he dates and then dumps. Yet the male judges — Louis Walsh,  L.A. Reid, Gary Barlow — remain safe. Maybe Simon’s just better at picking boys than girls.

Striking the wrong note

The Royal College of Paediatrics has attacked Labour MP David Lammy, who claimed last summer’s riots were partly due to the reluctance of parents to discipline — or smack — their children. ‘Today’s smack will become tomorrow’s punch,’ they warn.

How ludicrous. That’s like saying today’s glass of chablis will become tomorrow’s lifelong membership of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The BBC’s 67-year-old world editor John Simpson rejoices in his life with his six-year-old son, Rafe. He has two grown-up daughters each with three children, all but one older than his son.

‘I never fail to think how much better a father I am now than I was to them in my 30s,’ he says. How insensitive and how hurtful to his two daughters.

At a time when he should be showering love on his grandchildren, it’s all about him.

And sadly, he probably won’t even be around to see Rafe’s children born.

Give it a rest: Keira Knightley at the premiere of A Dangerous Method

Give it a rest: Keira Knightley at the premiere of A Dangerous Method

Keira Knightley (right) gives yet another interview — her 4,109th — about her movie A Dangerous Method, in which she plays  a psychiatric patient who is spanked by her doctor. She agonises, again, over whether it was right to take the role. Give it a rest, Keira. Where this turkey’s concerned, the critics have already ensured you’ve been whipped more times than the England cricket team.

When President Sarkozy’s son, Pierre, was taken ill with a ‘stomach bug’ in the Ukraine, daddy sent a white limo and state-owned jet to bring him home to Paris. When Prime Minister Blair’s 16-year-old son Euan got a ‘drinking bug’ in July 2000 and was found in a Leicester Square gutter, he didn’t get such gold-plated treatment and was taken straight to the local police station in a copper’s van.

You call that a hero?

Squadron Leader Kai Macnaughton, 42, was cleared of sexually assaulting his friend’s wife while she was upstairs in his home after a boozy dinner.

He and the woman had been passionately kissing in front of their respective partners before retiring upstairs for a bit of a fumble, which she appeared to enjoy.

He popped downstairs for a glass of rum and then returned to the bedroom expecting a second act. It was at this point that the woman ‘went absolutely mental’, accusing the Chinook pilot of sexual assault. With all the commotion, his own wife and the woman’s husband, who’d been downstairs, rushed into the room.

So how did Squadron Leader Macnaughton, a decorated pilot who’s served in seven tours of Afghanistan, react? He lied feebly to his wife, explaining that he’d only gone into the bedroom as a ‘voyeur’, to gaze at the woman in her nightie. Not quite the heroics we’ve come to expect of our bravest and best.

'Cracks in the veneer': Madonna

‘Cracks in the veneer’: Madonna

Speaking of the end of her eight-year marriage to Guy Ritchie, Madonna, 53 (above), says: ‘When you start, everything is lovely, and the person you’ve married is flawless. Then, as time goes by and you share a life, you have children, and there are cracks in the veneer.’ Is she referring to her latest facelift?

Royal Watch

Princes William  and Harry both speak lovingly of ‘Grandpa’, Prince Philip, in interviews for Andrew Marr’s new BBC1 series, The Diamond Queen.  As the two young lads followed their mother’s coffin down the Mall, Grandpa distracted them by explaining the history of every building they passed, to quell their tears. They say he is the Queen’s rock, but wasn’t he also their rock?

What was Kate thinking of when she took her  parents and sister Pippa on her break with William on the luxury island of Mustique just days before he headed off to the Falklands for six weeks? Most brides would want to give their husbands some serious loving prior to such a separation, not a fortnight with the cling-on in-laws.

Outrage as Airmiles Andy continues to fly around the world meeting dodgy foreign heads at our expense pretending to be a trade ambassador.  But isn’t Andy really jetting off because Fergie’s grounded in the UK and back living at his home, after Turkey announced it wants to extradite her for secretly filming the country’s orphanages?

Westminster noticeboard

It took Nick Clegg nearly three hours to go in front of the cameras after rival Chris Huhne’s resignation. I guess it took him that long to clear the celebratory champagne bottles from his office.

George Osborne gleefully welcomed the stripping of Fred Goodwin of his knighthood, claiming he was responsible for the biggest collapse in UK banking history. The Chancellor may yet preside over the biggest economic collapse in our history, yet nothing will strip him of the title he  will inherit: the 18th baronetcy of Ballintaylor and Ballylemon.

A report into the way the BBC treats the  elderly concludes that Ann Widdecombe was ‘exploited’ when she appeared on Strictly. If Mrs T was the Iron Lady, Widders is the titanium one. She had fun, got hugged a lot by a bloke (a new experience for her) and makes more cash doing panto than she did as an MP. Widders a victim? The joke was always on us.

 

Here’s what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts,
or debate this issue live on our message boards.

The comments below have not been moderated.

Anon, female. Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you strength and health.

Kate didn’t take her parents and sister on holiday. Her family holidays on Mustique every year. She and William joined her parents on their holiday. As for cling-on parents – what a petty, spiteful remark. Where is the evidence? Are they calling in on Charles every week? No I didn’t think so – they are getting on with their lives and running a business. Obviously they are obviously a close family which is really nice to see. How many families do you know that are still together 30+ years later and that are happy to spend time with each other? I speak from experience because my parents are still together and I we are all very happy to spend time with them.
You are also wrong about smacking – if you are any good at parenting you will NEVER need to smack. Again I speak from experience.

I have suffered horrible things over the last few years. The death of my teenage son and cancer. I have to say though, I acted out of grief sometimes saying and doing things out of character. When I have had time to reflect, I wish I had not been over emotional or said too much. We don’t know what we will do until confronted with it.

Sarkozy and Blair’s sons. And the point is? …………………………….
Keira Knightly: actually I always only saw her as an appendage in the Pirates films, but when I watched a film on telly by default as I don’t particularly enjoy period stuff (The Duchess), I realised that she is a seriously good actress. So I don’t really care how many interviews she gives.
George Osborne is nothing better than a puffy, spotty, hoorey henry, whose celebration of the ‘stripping’ of Sir Fred’s knighthood will be his downfall. It was nothing less than a witch hunt and leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.
Simon Cowell: I think you might be right there.

One glass of Chablis does not lead to a lifetime of alcoholism…..really Amanda, so how exactly do people become addicted to alcohol?. So with that logic, one joint does not lead to a lifetime of class A drug addiction, ???…….I am sure you have argued for, the latter theory on many occasions in your column.

“But I can’t help wondering if inadvertently turning your six-year-old daughter into a YouTube sensation was wise — however honourable the intention.”
Good point. Let’s hope there isn’t a journalist about who will make things worse by bringing her existence to the attention of further millions.
Oh…

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