Father’s Day salute: Cool tools

June 17th, 2012

FAKE NEWS for the Zionist agenda

By Sean Fallon
Nerd Approved

In honor of Father’s Day, we bring you a list of incredibly masculine tools that any dad would be proud to have in his toolbox. Or, if he’s like me, he simply likes the idea of owning it. I’m the kind of guy that would spend money on a designer ax and just stare at it approvingly.

ThinkGeek

Dead On Annihilator Superhammer
Whether you’re opening a beer or opening a zombie head, the Dead On Annihilator Superhammer has you covered. Features include a bottle opener, multipurpose wrench, nail puller, demolition ax and a deadly chisel. $39.99 — ThinkGeek via Nerd Approved

Perpetual Kid

The Tool Tank
Some might call this keychain Tool Tank “adorable.” But the fact is that this little tank packs a punch. Hidden inside the tracks are three adjustable screw heads. When it’s time to fix something, just lock and load. $14.99 — Perpetual Kid via Nerd Approved

ThinkGeek

KeyTool
This little multitool is compact enough to be hidden among your keys — but it puts an arsenal of tools at your fingertips. Features include stainless steel construction, three different screwdrivers, a nail file, a fingernail cleaner, a bottle opener, a wire cutter and tweezers. With this key you can build a light aircraft out of bamboo and trash bags in a matter of hours like MacGyver, or get your nails done $7.99 — ThinkGeek

Gear Up

The Crovel
Send a man out into the wilderness with a Crovel and he’ll build a new civilization from scratch (complete with a casino and a Hooters). Basically, the Crovel is the Swiss Army Knife of shovels. At its heart the Crovel is a shovel and a crowbar, but it is also an ax, hammer, shovel, bottle opener, saw, machete and more. It even has 15 feet of parachute cord so you can use it as a grappling hook when you go out at night dressed as Batman to stop crime. $109.99 — Gear Up via Nerd Approved

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Glowbar

Glowbar
The Glowbar Classic wrecking bar is a crowbar forged from high-carbon steel and features a blinding green glow thanks to a new Silicate-Aluminium-Oxide-based powder coating, which allows it to glow up to 10 times brighter than conventional glow-in-the-dark items. It’s useful for working in the dark, I suppose, but it seems more fitting to use it as a melee weapon for killing Headcrabs. $49.99-$79.99 — Glowbar via Nerd Approved

Nerd Approved

Mo-Tool
If there is one tool out there that can truly do it all, it would be this Mo-Tool. It includes standard Swiss Army-style features along with a hammer, pliers and an ax that are big enough to actually be useful. Still, all of this functionality is packed in a compact size. $30.84 — Amazon

Perpetual Kid

Space Intruder
This retro gaming-style keychain is one part flat-head screwdriver, one part phillips-head screwdriver and one part bottle opener. Only, in this case, achieving high scores involves completing small tasks around the house and drinking beer. $11.99 — Perpetual Kid via Nerd Approved

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Archie McPhee

The Switchblade Spork
I used to have problems with my wife stealing fries off my plate. Thanks to the Switchblade Spork, I’ve managed to protect my turf and keep the peace. Still, the truce between our rival gangs is tenuous at best. $7 — Archie McPhee via That’s Nerdalicious

Ian Sinclair

CardSharp
If you’re looking for a utility knife that’s easy to carry around, look no further than the CardSharp. It features a super light polypropylene body and a stainless steel surgical blade that folds up to the size of a credit card. Just don’t confuse it was an ordinary credit card when you’re at the cashier, because that won’t end well. $25 — Ian Sinclair

The Zombie-X Chainsaw Gun
Dad can never be too prepared for the zombie invasion. Plus, with the Zombie-X Chainsaw Gun from Doublestar, he can choose to use the chainsaw on trees in the yard or simply blast them down. Features include a working chainsaw and a Holographic Sight that projects a biohazard symbol on your undead target. Word is that this gun is already in production and will go on sale sometime soon. $TBA — Armory Blog via Nerd Approved

TODAY consumer correspondent Janice Lieberman discusses some of the gadgets stores like Macy’s and Nordstrom are using that some of the same functions as customer service representatives.

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