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May 23rd, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Italy has won the Eurovision Song Contest 2021 after a late surge.
“Rock n roll never dies,” shouted the winning vocalist. And no one can argue with that sentiment tonight.
The vote was a feeding frenzy, with hundreds of points up for grabs after UK, Germany and Spain got a proper kicking from the public with zero points.
France, Iceland, Ukraine, the Swiss and the Fins were ruling the roost after the jury votes, with Moldova and Lithuania in the hunt. But Italy were always in touch with the leaders and hurdled the top nations after a huge vote of confidence from the public.
Below you can see I said the Swiss entry was too cerebral for a victory. I also said the singer looked like Glenn Medeiros. What do I know?? Perhaps a young Liberace is a better look-a-like.
But get this: the UK gave 12 points to France. Who says Brexit made a difference?
Not so odd: Greece gave 12 points to Cyprus. And, you know, Vice Versa. Better the Devil you know, right? (That’s a joke. Cypriot entry was called El Diablo – but it’s also the name of Sonia’s UK entry that came 2nd in 1993. Me and my mate Benny G were inconsolable.)
France were my prediction. I was wrong. Forgive me.
San Marino got some early traction. Maybe Flo Rida had more sway than I thought! But eventually, there was no permanent mark.
It’s back!
Eurovision 2021 is a welcome return for the continent-wide song contest.
Held in Rotterdam after a year’s postponement, the reduced but typically crazed audience were delighted to witness a true smorgasbord of talent.
Obviously, it was a mixed bag. But there’s no doubt that it was good to have it back.
Rotterdam hosted the event after Duncan Laurence, who couldn’t perform live this year due to testing positive for COVID, won the 2019 gala.
Yeasty favourite
For viewers watching the UK stream, the redoubtable Graham Norton was on hand to provide an always necessary slice of realism.
“This is marmite…if you hate marmite,” he said of the German entry, which was less a yeast feast and more of a children’s cartoon.
Of the Lithuanian entry, Norton suggested it resembled “people from IT who had dressed up as (UK pop act) Steps. And not without due cause. However, I can see the dance moves catching on across the continent. Raise your arms to your face, kids!
Ukraine came to the party in the guise of the 90s ‘judderman’ METZ advert. A nightmarish folk-ridden dance threat. “If you ever wondered what happened to Orville… the lead singer appears to be wearing him,” Norton quipped, referring to the lead singer’s green plumage.
Serbia advanced their case for EU membership with the girl power threesome, Hurricane, and Finland once more expounded their Heavy Metal credentials, following in the footsteps of 2006 winner Lordi.
‘Just like Cleopatra’ sang the Azeri entry, who revisited the story of Mata Hari for some reason.
Norway’s TIX brought a pop-rock sensibility to the proceedings, and the Tourettes sufferer sported a huge pair of angels’ wings. His song mentioned angels, so that’s ok. And the key change was beamed in from 1988, which was refreshing.
UK entries, once much vaunted in the early days of Eurovision, have been lamentable in recent decades save for a 1997 win by Katrina and the Waves. This year’s impoverished entry did nothing to settle the stomach. Zero points was not unfair.
France had one of the most committed vocal performances of recent years, and will bring comparisons to the Celine Dion victory for Switzerland in 1988. That’s 33 years ago for those of us who enjoy the masochism of feeling old.
The Swiss entry was interesting. Great voice, thoughtful modal changes in the songwriting, and a fine performance. But too cerebral for a victory? Perhaps. Courageous young vocalist, with a passing resemblance to Glenn Medeiros. Up to you how you feel about that.
Italy, tonight’s winners, came at the evening with a rock act that was by turns Freddie Mercury and Rage Against the Machine. “Rotterdam: make some noise” they screamed. And the limited crowd made that noise. I hope the trousers catch on, they were superb. Rock is a big deal in Italy so it’s good to see them bring that to Eurovision.
Million record-selling rap artist Flo-Rida was on hand, inexplicably, to accompany the San Marino entry. Cavorting on a revolving rhombus, the Cleo-Lane-esque performer was dizzying. And though her famous co-star did little to contribute to the spectacle, there was an undoubted spritz to this, the final song before voting.
“Music brings us together,” say the hosts. And it’s hard to argue. The songs were largely decent this year, and although there was no great love for the UK entry, it was more due to it being uninspiring than to any kind of political agenda.
As Dr. Eurovision told Euronews, it’s anyone’s prize this year.
Rotterdam treated us all to a past winners’ concert while the voting took place. It was a joy to see 1975 winners Teach-In perform. Their winning song Ding-a-Dong, was a clear influence for the Eurovision-inspired flick ‘The story of Fire Saga’ starring Will Ferrell. Hilariously, the Icelandic jury asked for Ja Ja Ding Dong during the voting process. This is precisely why we love the contest. It has a sense of humour. We all need that right now.
And thankfully Lordi were on hand to show the world why Hard Rock Hallelujah was unquestionably the best entry 15 years ago.
Thanks for staying with us for the competition. Keep rockin’
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