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February 11th, 2023 
Awake Goy 
Roses are red, violets are blue, you need a Valentine’s Day gift ASAP, you fool. As the clock ticks down on one of the most high-pressure holidays on the calendar, flowers are probably the easiest thing you can snag in a pinch without looking like you definitely forgot to order something in time. As fellow Large City Residents™, of course we know that every grocery store and bodega carries at least a small selection of bouquets—but do you really wanna be that guy? Sure, unless your beloved is a die-hard fan of your corner store’s bacon egg and cheese, it’s unlikely they’ll know where you bought your buds… but it should haunt you forever knowing that the bouquet signifying your love is from the same bodega with an ever-present ceiling leak that sells cigarettes and Flamin Hot Cheetos. Well, sale alert: Good thing FTD is here to save you from your potential failures with its flowers for up to 30% off.
First things first: Say what you will, but Valentine’s Day screams a dozen roses. We also understand that roses can scream “basic.” Fear not: The selection FTD offers is anything but. Is she a mysterious queen with gothic energy? These hand-dyed black roses will make her want to curate you a Bauhaus Spotify playlist.
Obviously, (if everything goes to plan) all that love in the air is gonna help light your beloved’s fire. Good thing FTD also has a Burning Bed of Roses Gift Set to turn up the heat on this fine commercial holiday. (Ooh la la.) It includes 500 (!) fresh red rose petals to scatter all over the bed, floor, or kitchen table, eight assorted chocolates, and a “Smoldering Rose” scented candle. Are you turned on yet?
Finally, no Valentine’s Day is complete without sugar-filled delights. Feed each other (while naked, because why not?) with a drippy chocolate fondue set. You can dip everything from frosted heart-shaped pretzels, tea cookies, and pink graham crackers into a river of chocolaty goodness.
No valentine? No problem. No matter what day it is, you don’t need a shot from Cupid’s arrow to appreciate the beauty of fresh flowers. Get ‘em for yourself… or your therapist.
Shop all of FTD’s flower offerings here.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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