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December 21st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
Brilliant: This Man Reads All The Spoilers Of Upcoming Marvel Movies And Now He Doesn’t Have To Watch Them
CLOVIS, NM—Local movie buff Richard Jetherson is receiving praise for his brilliance when it comes to movies that are a part of the ultra-popular Marvel cinematic universe: he simply reads all the spoilers of upcoming Marvel movies so he doesn’t have to watch them.
“I discovered this trick when I realized a new Marvel movie was in theaters but I had not watched four earlier movies that I also did not want to watch,” said Jetherson while neither wearing a Marvel t-shirt nor opining on canonical incongruencies between the movies and shows on Disney Plus. “Now I just read the spoilers. It saves time and prevents me from having to watch any more Marvel movies.”
“This trend is really catching on,” said cinematic statistician, Carl Bartleby. “Thousands more people each day are deciding to simply read movie spoilers then get on with their productive, happy lives rather than having to watch another Marvel movie.”
During the interview, Mr. Jetherson helpfully revealed the spoilers for Spider-Man: No Way Home, but thoughtful editors at The Babylon Bee have chosen to refrain from publishing the movie spoiler that everyone dies at the end.
Are you a horrible person but on the right side of history? Santa is shocked to discover that’s all it takes to be on the nice list.
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