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December 1st, 2021 
Awake Goy 
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With Christmas just around the corner, you’re probably looking for unique gifts that tell your children how much joy they bring to your life as well as the importance of limited government.
Worry not, shopper! We at The Babylon Bee had our top researchers working tirelessly to bring you this list of perfect gift ideas for your conservative child:
1) Red Rider .50 Caliber Sniper Rifle: BB guns are for puny liberal wusses.
2) Leftist Tears Sippy Cup: Your child is never too young to practice owning the libs and preparing to someday own a leftist tears tumbler, wherever they may be sold.
3) The complete works of Thomas Sowell: If your child can’t read at that level, Tuttle Twins books will do.
4) Donald Trump Magic 8-Ball: Young ones can receive wise guidance like, “Wrong. Totally wrong. Pathetic. Next question?” and “Absolutely not, total disaster, believe me.”
5) Kyle Rittenhouse Plush Doll: Toy AR-15 included with real bump-stock action!
6) Lego® Keystone Pipeline Play Set: At least your offspring can enjoy a make-believe world free of soaring gas prices.
7) Suit & Tie Pajamas: The conservative values of order and personal responsibility never rest.
8) Coal: Beautiful, clean coal will remind your child not to destroy entire working-class communities in the name of green energy.
9) Traditional Homemaker Barbie Dream House: Let Barbie extol the virtues of raising children in a loving home. (Ken doll with lawnmower sold separately.)
10) Ivermectin Candy Canes: The perfect—and perfectly safe—stocking stuffer!
Unfortunately, due to supply chain shortages, the only thing available on this list is coal. Merry Christmas!
NOT SATIRE: Give the gift of liberty this Christmas! Our goal is to distribute 1,000 additional copies of the Tuttle Twins to families before Christmas.
The Tuttle Twins children’s book series is teaching the rising generation about the ideas of freedom, free markets, individual responsibility, and American history.
I must raise $10,000 to distribute 1,000 extra books before Christmas. It costs roughly $10 to distribute one copy of the Tuttle Twins to a family. Can you help?
Thank you,
Connor Boyack
Author, Tuttle Twins
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